All of us are a product of two forces that have a tremendous influence on our adult lives. One is our family of origin and the other our life experiences. I call them forces because these influences result in our developing patterns that help us to adapt or cope to life as we move from childhood to adulthood. Many of these patterns are positive and helpful in our leading positive, healthy and happy lives. Others may be useful at certain points in time but become problematic in our adult lives and get in the way of the particular stage of development we find ourselves into. As we mature, these problematic patterns dont always follow suite and mature along with our chronological, social and emotional development. Because weve become accustomed and even comfortable with them, we continue to practice them because thats all we really know. An example might be the manner in which we learned to have a good time during our adolescence and early adult years. Our good times may have consisted of drinking which allowed us to become someone who we wouldnt display otherwise. It was a way of letting our hair down and our changed behavior was excusable and usually acceptable to ourselves and others. As we move into our twilight years, it seems that the rules have changed. Our minds can continue to embrace and justify the continuation of certain patterns but these also form our reputation which ultimately may not be to our liking. People who truly care about us may help us to become aware and change those patterns. Being receptive to those suggestions makes those changes much easier. Our resistance complicates the adjustment. Its simply a matter of choice. |
